August 21, 2013

Dear Myself,
You notice the unusual cloudiness of the day, but u're still determined to pursue your journey across the street to buy some food. On your walk back to the car, the rain starts to pour; your hair gets wet. You feel irritated and your temper starts to get the better of you. You knew it was going to rain, why didn't you just stay home?

Out of nowhere, a stranger starts to approach you. You immediately notice how filthy he looks: his clothes are dirty and ragged, his hair is long and untidy, and his smell was enough to make you scurry off while giving him hurtful looks and murmurs, all of which pertains to his appearance and condition.

He was homeless; a human being neglected since birth, nurtured in the streets, and only survives on the left over food that we throw away. He doesn't sleep on beds like we do; he spends his nights sleeping on cement roads with newspapers as his blanket. When it rains, his only source of warmth and shelter are his ragged clothes that we judge. His unsanitary condition is caused by the fact he doesn't shower as much as we do because he only has enough water to quench his thirst to get through hot, humid days.

Be thankful for your blessings, and learn to share, knowing you have more than what you need. Do some good and share a piece of bread to someone who's hungry, water for those who are thirsty and even a smile to those you are upset and gloomy, because some people in this world are just not as fortunate as you are.

Dear Mumma,
I'm sorry: for all the things I've done that hurt you, all the words I've said that were meant to disrespect you and all the troubles I might have caused you. I love you so much, and I want you to know that I am very thankful that I have someone like you in my life. It occurred to me over night, right before the moment I unconsciously fell to sleep, how unloved I always make you feel. How everyday, no matter how much you try to be a part of my life, I always end up pushing you away, as if you were a stranger who had no right to be in my life. I'm sorry for that. You were busying with work, since you’ve to handle up all things alone, well I should understand you but that I guess I just got used to not having you around; to only have myself, my courage and no one else to get through the day.

But I want you to know that I'm thankful for everything. I'm thankful for the happiness you give, the care, the protection, the concern and the love; that no matter how badly and coldly I treat you often, you would always make me feel so loved as if I had done nothing wrong. You can always look past my constant mistakes no matter how much it hurts you.

I know I never make it seem like I do, but I love you very much mum and I appreciate everything you do and sacrifice for me.

Dear Happiness and thought,

Lately all I've been feeling about is you, because at the moment I'm trying to work myself out and to figure out how to be in all this. I made a book of happy things and I'm thinking of making one of sad things, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea at the moment.

You see the feeling has returned, and it's just there, hovering in my thoughts, threatening me but not quite taking over like it used to. I don't think that it will, but I'm wary all the same. It's been keeping me on my toes.

If I make a book of meaningful things instead, maybe that will be different, but I'm just not sure. I think I will :)