Sometimes I wonder what I'd pick if I got a chance to go back and pick all over again. The path I chose, the thoughts that ran through my mind, the people that surrounded me that time. Would a change in my choices really have saved me? I keep wondering about the moment in time, whether there was any at all, that drew a certain line between what is and what could have been…when was the exact situation in which any changes made could have changed my future then…the present today. Was there a certain day in the time that was (the past) which could've been played out differently, and almost directly changed the course of today?
Is there a control group somewhere in our conscience which could measure the impact of each event individually on our lives. Somehow show the exact things that lead to today, what exactly made us who we are today… more so how we are today. A way to determine what went wrong. within.
Truth is I wonder if I could've stopped it. If there was a way for me to be a different person today. Different person. People would probably want to be a different person when they are ashamed of who they are. Am I?
I've sought solitude with passion, closed all doors that led to me. Refraining from anyone and everyone has helped me find peace. Without any external provocations, your inner self find this equilibrium within. greater good may not get to you, but neither can the bad. you become a sum of your own vibrations. you sit in silence, and you resonate your own light. your mind returns to its natural state, its original place of being, where it is untouched by the constant deterioration and depletion caused by indulging in matters of the world.
A blank heartbeat, a blank mind, blankness in its truest form gives you the chance to remember who you truly were…without external influences and unseemly consequences, it reminds you of your natural state of being. the person you are in your heart, the person you are meant to be.
Like the rubbing of two rocks may leave scratches on its surface, we are bound to be influenced, to be effected through life's travels. it is unreal to presume that what we are, how we are, shall remain through the course of time, and that years later there will be nothing lost and nothing found. As long as the dynamism of existence prevails, the air around us, the life forms around us will rub against us, interact with us, and it is certain we shall be eroded, changed, influenced. Life seldom lets you pass by untouched.
Choices. Could we have picked the right things for us all along if we'd have known what they might lead to? We couldn't have known then what we know now. Its true that years teach what the days may never know. So the naive will keep thinking they had a choice, trying to determine which string pulled the wrong chord of their life, and dreading they didn't pick the right course in life.
Today is because of yesterday, and the passings of yesterday were because of the day before that. How then can we figure out what could've been done differently?
Choice of deed, your actions are definite. For example, to lie or to declare the truth is a choice. But what life brings to your plate, in which form and manner life erodes your natural being, and what, as our inner child's grievance, could we have done differently to have a better today…that choice is nothing but a mere facade.
Choices. They are the absence of acceptance of reality. The absence of forgiveness to yourself for the reality that couldn't be.
Choices.
There are none.
|
