I don't know why I really miss my family tonight. When I was young, I would cry the most when I depart from my parents out of all my siblings. I think I have a sort of attachment to them where of course, every child would have towards their parents, but I feel like mine is a lot stronger than others. I can come off as if I don’t miss them, but I know I just feel homesick when I’m far away from them. I can live up to about three days without seeing their faces, but after that, I must make time to see them because I miss them even though they can be naggy and annoying at times. I know they do that out of love though.
I definitely know that I’ll miss my Mom’s homemade food and the smell of it. I miss hearing conversations I’ve had with my mom. I miss her smiling and laughing when she’s talking to me or my sister because she enjoys sharing her story. I miss sharing the holidays with her whenever she’s home rather than at aunt’s house. I’ll miss her a whole lot. I miss my Mom’s nagging me to clean my room or to do chores for her. And for the most part I really miss disagreeing with my mom’s mindset and realizing that she’s a bit oblivious and ignorant, but I’ll still accept her regardless. I miss her a lot.
I miss hearing mom and my brother argue and then realized that I’m in the middle of it trying to be goofy to calm the situation down. I miss hearing the sound of their voice or the sound of their laughter and smiles. I miss sitting at home and being comfortable around them, doing whatever I please even though I can be irritated and they understand that I am.
I know that even though my Mom begged me to stay within an hour or two distance to home is only because she has a hard time letting me go. I almost broke down when she begged me, but I know she’s just having a hard time and I’ll definitely make it up to her. I’ll surprise her on her birthday to come home and whatnot. I’ll definitely make it up to her for the difficulties I’ve given her and making her beg me like that. It breaks my heart to seeing her nag me like that and talking to me about staying nearby. I told her I’ll think about it which gave her some hope, but all at once, I know it’s false hope. Just the fact alone, knowing that I fed her false hope, it really shatters my heart. I’ll keep it in mind just for her because her happiness is mine too.
But until then, I just hope I can be happy with them like this. I hope I can share and create a lot more memories like this because it’s a blessing for me. I know it’s selfish to ask to be happy like this when I know I’ll be going wake up without them and that I have their ultimate support. There are so many unsaid feelings I want to tell them, but I think when the day comes, that’s when my tears won’t stop flowing because I’really miss them so much. People normally don’t think about this until later or when it hits them on the day of, but you know, I already prepare myself before even though I know it’ll hurt either way. I just hope I can remain the sweet memories. I know I'm so selfish, and that I just end up breaking their heart in the most bittersweet way.
So, I’m sorry for breaking your heart the way I did by saying I’m most likely going to stay outside, but I’ll always drive back if there’s anything wrong because I know I’ll have the time for it anytime. Yet, I want to say thank you for letting me be more independent. As long as it’s still in state. I hope we can remain everything back together as before..
